An Infidel in Church: the Church Search, Part I

I was looking for a church for Amanda and me. I am not a believer, but she attended church sporadically before she came to live with us, and her belief in God and Jesus are important to her.

 
FROM "A CHILD IS BORN" BY MARGARET WISE BROWN.  ILLUSTRATIONS BY FLOYD COOPER
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Amanda has been self-conscious about her white grandparents, and undoubtedly will be again.  I wanted a church where we could both be comfortable, where a white grandma was accepted.  More important, I wanted a church where Amanda would hear more about love and forgiveness, about doing good works and rejoicing in God’s creation, than about possession by demons and the fires of hell.

It was a puzzle.  Where could I find a church for both of us - black Christian child and white atheist woman?  I heard of two “integrated” churches, and went on their websites.  They were big evangelical churches, and their photo albums didn’t look very integrated to me - a smattering of black faces among thousands of white.  And their missions and messages disturbed me, insisting that Jesus is the one and only Way.  Maybe searching for a Christian church that doesn’t focus on Christianity is unrealistic, but it can’t be good for Amanda to think Grandma and Grandpa are headed for hell. We ended by visiting four different churches.

Twenty years ago I took my foster children to a black United Methodist church.  I really like the minister there, who told me, “God doesn’t see color.”  The Methodists seem to accept that there may be various paths to truth, and they sing a lot of the hymns I grew up with.  So on Palm Sunday, Amanda and I dressed up and headed to church. 

Amanda chose a pew in the middle.  At first she sat stiffly, two feet away from me, looking a little worried.  But as the familiar sights and sounds sank in - the praise choir clapping and singing, people waving their hands, swaying - she began to relax. 

PITTSBURGH GOSPEL CHOIR from IMAGES.GOOGLE.COM

I sang enthusiastically.  At home I sing constantly, and it often aggravates Joe and Amanda.  He says, “Please stop singing,” and she simply says, “Grandma.”  But in church she didn’t object, and soon she was singing too.
   
The minister welcomed all the visitors, saying, “You are in the right place, you are where you belong.” She looked right at us.

It was a special day.  They were baptizing a baby, maybe a year old.  She had a great mop of soft black hair, and creamy tan skin.  Her black father and white mother were surrounded by family in all shades. They passed the baby to the minister, and when the water touched her face, she cried.  Amanda watched closely.

The minister introduced Michelle Duster, a descendant of Ida B. Wells.  She told us that while she was proud of her great grandmother, the anti-lynching crusader, all our ancestors were strong.  They were fighters and survivors.  They survived the Middle Passage, slavery, Reconstruction, Jim Crow.  And none of them did it alone.

IDA B. WELLS      

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As far as I know, these were not my ancestors, but in this church Amanda would learn the values and history I hope she will cherish.  In this church I heard the messages that matter to me - messages about service, community, justice.  Church is for believers and seekers, and I am a comfortable atheist. But gospel music makes my soul sing, and I love to be in a place where people are rejoicing and trying to be good.  Here Amanda could find community and strength, and this is the church I would choose.

Unfortunately, our next visit was a disaster.  The minister called all the children up to the front, and Amanda of course went too.  But they had been rehearsing a reading, and the group leader sent Amanda back because she didn’t have a role in it.  She was mortified, and NEVER wants to go back.  I had to resume my search.

 

NEXT WEEK: One More Day for Thanksgiving

I'd love to hear from you.  Click on Comments, below.

 

Comments

[Marjorie Power]

Thank you for sharing this unique love story.

[The Feminist Grandma]

Marjorie, you're very welcome. I hope you'll share it with your friends.

[Ellen Huntington Slade]

I loved this story of trying to find a church and I identify with this search - especially about looking at Christian churches but not wanting to hear about Jesus! I am most moved by the hymns, the big choral pieces sung by good choirs. I think my whole spiritual life is under reconstruction..

[The Feminist Grandma]

Ellen, I think you'll be amused by the Church Search Part II. (coming up in a couple of weeks.)I no longer get wonderful hymns and big choral pieces. But I can always listen to the latter at home (and do).

[Joanne Wasner]

Wow! That was a great experience! Too bad it didn't work out the second time. No way you can convince her to try again? (I'll pray for a positive experience!) There are always going to be disappointments, even in church, since humans are not perfect, and they do run the churches. Let me know if you try again....

[The Feminist Grandma]

As you'll see in a future post, we found a different church. She's at home there now, so I'm not going to mess with it. I wouldn't be surprised if in the future she wants to check out black churches again.

[Gerry green]

Oh my, you moved my heart with your words and what you are doing for your Granddaughter. Thank you!
Gerry

[The Feminist Grandma]

Well, Gerry, your comment warms a writer's heart!!

[Carol]

Liz,
You are really quite a lovely writer; thanks for sharing your gift.

[The Feminist Grandma]

Thank you, Carol. Not just a lovely writer, but like all the Muumuus, drop dead gorgeous. (Oh. Maybe as we age that is ambiguous.)