Foster mom:squirrel monkey and night monkey
I have been many kinds of mother - a single mother, raising my son from scratch, a single foster mother for a daughter and a son, a step-mother. Now I am 64, and with my husband I am raising my eight-year old granddaughter, Amanda. Click here
I was a lawyer for 28 years, always focused on poverty. I still am. It’s not just a job; it’s a chronic condition. I retired to write, and wrote three novels. I helped start the HOME Van and nine years later we’re still going strong, carrying food and friendship to the people who live in the woods. Click here
When grandparents raise grandchildren there is usually a sad story behind it, but I’m not going to tell it. That one belongs to my daughter and granddaughter. Instead I’ll write about my friends and family, past and present. I’ll write about an old woman raising a young child, a feminist struggling with traditional women’s roles, a writer who is suddenly a mother again. It all sounds terribly serious, but everything has its lighter side. I'll try to keep my professorial self under control.
When my son was growing up, I felt inadequate as a mother, and overwhelmed doing it alone. In the1968 edition Dr. Spock included single mothers and “working” mothers in his chapter on special problems. I was both. I used to read that passage to my family law students to show them how dramatically times had changed. Yet people still speak of “working mothers,” a ridiculous phrase that implies mothering is not work.
Is motherhood work? Vandmoderen by Kai Nielsen
Now, for the first time, I have a partner, and I can do the job thoroughly. I take Amanda to soccer and gymnastics and therapy. I meet with her teacher, volunteer at the school, keep her at home when she’s sick. I see that she tidies her room and brushes her teeth.
I don’t feel inadequate. But like any mother I come to the end of a busy day and can't understand what I did with my time. Like any writer I struggle for discipline and focus, idle time to let my thoughts wander, work time to put the writing front and center. Like any stay-at-home wife I negotiate jobs with my husband, and wonder if he understands what I do all day.
When Amanda came to live with us I put my fourth novel aside. I’m not ready to pick it up yet; it’s simmering on the back of the stove. Instead, now that she is settled and happy, no longer bouncing off and knocking down walls, I will write these mini-essays, send them out in my blog, and hope you will read and respond.
Thanks, Elizabeth. Somehow this makes taking care of mom seem easier. All praise to mothers and parents doing their best.
sally bellerose
Posted by: Sally Bellerose | 08/13/2011 at 07:53 AM
None of it's easy, but it sure aint dull!
Posted by: thefeministgrandma | 08/13/2011 at 11:03 AM
Wonderful. A voice too seldom heard. A voice speaking of Womaness. A voice of joy and sorrow, strength and most of all Wisdom. Thank you.
Posted by: Joani | 08/13/2011 at 01:02 PM
Thank you Joani - I really appreciate your appreciation! You may find that it's often a voice of confusion.
Posted by: thefeministgrandma | 08/15/2011 at 04:44 PM
Funny, touching,... exhausting!
Makes me grateful (for the gazillionth time) that I chose never to have children. (Except braised with a little sherry).
I'd like to hear more tales of courage & confusion from the grannyfront soon. Hope you're taking your vitamins, good lord.
luli
Posted by: luli | 08/15/2011 at 06:27 PM
Thank you Luli. I think that even braised with sherry, you'll find children are tough.
Lots of love,
Your sister
Posted by: thefeministgrandma | 08/16/2011 at 07:18 AM
Hi there!
Maybe such objectionable features as can be found in Lt. Col. Spock's book Baby and Child Care may be traced to the organization that commissioned the work, the US Navy.
-Eric
Posted by: eric l. | 08/16/2011 at 09:18 PM
Eric, that's fascinating! You told me he wrote the whole thing while in the Navy, so he certainly had a Navy frame of mind.
Posted by: thefeministgrandma | 08/17/2011 at 07:57 AM
Liz, I like to follow other authors, since I am a wanna-be author. I have nature book in the works, featuring my paintings and photos, but the words are slow to come...because I am not disciplined enough yet.
What are the names of your published novel? Are they available as ebooks for my iPad?
Posted by: Janet Arline Barker | 08/21/2011 at 07:02 PM
I wish they WERE available on your ipad! They've never been published. I continue to seek an agent, and hope I won't give up.
As for discipline, of course that's the challenge. I've seen your wonderful paintings, and that takes discipline too. We all have it, it just fails us a lot.
Posted by: thefeministgrandma | 08/21/2011 at 08:00 PM
It is a far, far better thing you do, Liz, than I could ever manage. I tried blogging once for a few minutes, but am just not cut out for the long haul. I'll be a regular reader, and look forward very much to updates from a fellow writer and grandmother!
Posted by: Louise | 08/26/2011 at 06:22 AM
I hope it will be the long haul. I plan to post every Friday, to keep my zillions of fans saying, "TGIF, Lizzy's got a new post!"
Posted by: the feminist grandma | 08/26/2011 at 10:29 AM